Rites of passage connect us to our soul's essence and imbue us with a feeling of our own magnificence. In celebrating our personal milestones, these events provide a dramatic shift in identity that touches us on every level of our existence.
We are never the same afterwards, but are transformed by the alchemy inherent within the rite's design.
Imagine a marriage or school graduation without any type of ceremony? Imagine how a young girl might feel if her family never acknowledged or celebrated her birthday?
For millennia, native cultures have understood the importance of rites of passage, especially at puberty.
Among the Apache, for instance, a four day sunrise, or "na'ii'ees" ceremony in which the entire tribe participates, honors a young girl after her first menstruation. For months she prepares by studying with a medicine woman.
At the beginning of the ceremony, a special teepee is erected for the honoree. She is dressed in a "Dressing Ceremony" and painted with a pollen mixture to symbolize fertility. Re-enacting the story of Changing Woman who gave birth to her people, she becomes charged with the power to heal.
She undergoes many rigors to prepare for the final night when she must dance around a bonfire all night and present herself as a woman to her tribe.
As she takes on the qualities of Changing Woman, she renews her people, and the great cycle of life continues.
In the early 1900s, the American government outlawed these and other religious ceremonies on native reservations.
It wasn't until the passing of the American Indian Religious Freedom Act in 1978 that these ceremonies were reintroduced to the culture.
What was the impact of suppressing the spiritual life of the Native Americans? What has been the impact of ignoring our own children when they transition into adulthood?
Addiction, depression, rebellion and violence have too often been the result.
As a red web celebrationist, I have officiated over women's rites of passage to honor the moontime cycle since 1990. "Moontime" is a term that native teachers use for menstruation.
I became interested in this work over many years beginning with my own menarche, or first menstruation, back in 1959. Although nothing in my outer world provided a model for acknowledgment, let alone celebration for this moment, something within me knew that this event was significant, and I wasn't going to be silent. Deep within my cellular memory there was a knowing, a remembering of days long ago when girls became princesses at their first bloods honoring.
On that momentous day when my body signaled that I was no longer a child, but a young woman, I proudly displayed my first bloods to my parents and basked in their accolades.
That night, my whole family got dressed up and went to dinner at a fancy French restaurant to celebrate. My father greeted the maitre d with a jubilant, "give us the best table in the house, for today my daughter has become a woman!"
I was ecstatic.
It became obvious to me as I grew older that my experience was unique among the women I met. I came to realize that my launch into womanhood was a gift. Initially, I felt drawn to help other women reclaim their lost rite of passage. Within a short period of time, I was invited to greet their daughters and granddaughters at the threshold of womanhood.
Research has shown that at puberty the self esteem of girls often diminishes. I believe that this occurs precisely because they are not validated at this most fundamental biological level of their identity as women. Instead, they are initiated into what the late menstrual health pioneer Tamara Slayton calls the "cult of feminine shame."
Rite of passage celebrations are beginning to gain in popularity, especially among the cultural creative community. These occasions help channel a young woman's quest for self-understanding and personal power. They increase the intimacy between mother and daughter at a time when many girls shut down and refuse to communicate.
As in other forms of ritual, such as marriage, an entire community of family and friends are profoundly engaged.
At menarche, a circle of women, who have a close bond with the honoree, step forward and offer counsel and advice.
It is an opportunity for all to renew their own vows of womanhood by sharing their experiences of what it means to be a woman and witnessing the oath of womanhood which the new woman offers.
As the years go by, these honorees undoubtedly reflect back on the significant moments of their lives and view their menarche honoring for its pivotal role in putting them on their path and defining their identity. From my experience, I have also seen how these young women continue to deepen their relationships with the women who honored them. This creates a profound enrichment for all generations as the threads in the red web of women's wisdom are rewoven.
What a wondrous future lies in front of us as these young women mature and take their places of leadership in the world!
